Jokes Compilation Vol.1

The Beauty of Sharing  
A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife.

The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.

The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs.

The old gentleman said, "Oh no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50."

The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat. She replied, "When he's done with my teeth!"

Quick Quotes  
"New York City now has a major rat problem. You have no idea how big these rats are until you go to Central Park and take a ride in one of our rat drawn carriages." --Dave Letterman


"Tonight was the debut of Martha Stewart's "Apprentice" show. Ironically, it was followed by an episode of "Law & Order." --Jay Leno


"There's a more important reason to keep NASA's programs going strong ... to achieve that greatest of discoveries, the thing we as human beings need most: space oil." --Daily Show correspondent Stephen Colbert

Pompous Colonel  
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."

"Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"

"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, ... "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."

Fishing Trip  
A man phones home from his office and says to his wife, "I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I have to leave right away. Please pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."

The man rushes home to grab everything. He hugs his wife, apologizes for the short notice, and then hurries off. A week later, the man returns and his wife asks,

"Did you have a good trip, dear?"

The man replies, "Yep, the fishing was great... but you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."

His wife smiles and says, "Oh, no I didn't... I put them in your tackle box!"

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